How to Identify and Address Codependent Relationships
Codependency is defined as an unhealthy reliance on someone, such as a friend, partner, or family member that is emotional, physical, and/or spiritual. Codependency can vary in severity and form; codependency can also develop in a variety of different relationships (e.g., parent, child, partner, friends, and family members). For someone in a codependent relationship, it can feel like their livelihood depends on the person they are in a codependent relationship with. According to Dr. Exelbert, codependency does not refer to “all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree. Responsibility for relationships with others need to coexist with responsibility to self.” Oftentimes, individuals in a codependent relationship loses their true sense of self because they are exerting so much of themselves onto the other person. Causes of codependency can be childhood trauma, poor mental health, addiction, and dysfunctional family life leading to an insecure attachment style in relationships. Overall, it is important to identify codependent relationships and work on reducing codependent tendencies.
Warning Signs That You Are in a Codependent Relationship
Feeling the need to people please: Feeling the need to satisfy others’ needs on a frequent basis and feeling the need to keep people happy.
Lack of boundaries: Having a hard time saying “no” or failing to assert yourself.
Low self-esteem: Feeling the need of approval from others or lacking a sense of purpose outside of the relationship.
Frequent caretaking: Taking care of someone else’s needs on a frequent basis and before your own.
Relationship stress: Stress about the nature of the relationship or the dynamic.
Reducing Codependent Tendencies
Take small steps with separating the relationship, plan activities outside of the relationship and spend time with new friends.
Advocate for yourself.
Don’t be afraid to say “no” when you don’t want to do something.
Spend time figuring out who you are independently.
Set boundaries in the relationships.